There are tons of studies out there that have shown that divorce (or separation) can be one of the most traumatic experiences in our life. I went through a very toxic relationship and marriage and a very, very, very hard divorce where I ended up nearly taking my own life. Since then, I have completely found a way to not just survive but truly thrive beyond divorce.
Once I had reached a point where I hit a rock bottom going through my divorce experience, I decided that it was time to make a change. I got professional help, did a ton of my own research, and developed a simple approach to transform my experience from survival mode to thriving in life again! I went on to get my coaching certification as well so that I could help others through the process of divorce and separation to not just survive but truly thrive.
You see, I found that it’s not enough to just survive… you have been handed a gift of an opportunity to truly step into a better situation. I’m going to share a couple of things that I learned on how to do just that. After years of experience plus the training that I’ve received, I’ve put together an amazing approach. I’m going to give you a little sneak peek behind the curtain of that simple process and give you a couple of my favorite things that you can do to start thriving right now.
5 Ways To Cope & Rebuild Through Divorce/Separation
- Find a new hobby or group – doing this is really beneficial for a couple of reasons. First of all, when we start going through a divorce or separation, the support system that we envision being there is not always what it seems to be. So, not only will finding a new hobby or group build your skills and your confidence, but it’s also going to help you build your support system. The analogy I like to use is if you go to a buffet and you pick up one of those flimsy styrofoam plates then you start going down the buffet line and load it full of tons of food then your sytrofoam plate is just going to collapse. When we are going through divorce or separation, it is one of the most traumatic things you can go through. Therefore it is very, very easy to overwhelm and exhaust our support system just like that styrofoam plate at the buffet line. However, you really want all that good food (just like you need a lot of support) so if you get multiple plates and spread all of that food across them then none of those plates are going to break. The same thing goes for building a larger support network. By spreading it out, you’re going to be able to enjoy all the food, (aka rebuild, regrow, get through your situation with a great support system)! Finding a new hobby or group is a great way to spread out your Styrofoam plates. Finding a new hobby or group also helps you stay busy and engaged to help with the “feels” that happen throughout the experience. In my free support group, I give all kinds of ideas on how to find new hobbies or groups.
- Reconnecting– this could be reconnecting with anything that brings you joy. A lot of times when we are in a serious relationship or marriage, we become consumed in that relationship and disconnect from other things in our lives. I want you to think about things like friends, family, coworkers, hobbies that used to bring you joy that maybe you lost touch with and you can now reconnect to.
- Rediscover– Again, it is easy to get lost in marriage and relationship because you are no longer just yourself, you are part of a unit. Once that unit is no longer in place, you have to reconnect with yourself to truly flourish again. I love to rediscover myself through journaling. It’s very easy as you’re going through divorce separation, or something that’s completely traumatic or breaking you down in your confidence, your fears, at a heightened level, it’s really easy to think negatively. Journaling allows you to really start connecting with yourself again. Even if you journal once a week, what you’re doing is reconnecting to your thought process in a positive way. It’s also possible that in your relationship, you may have lost touch with yourself, your desires, your dreams and what you truly want in life. Now you get the opportunity to use this time to rediscover those things and start working on them again to rebuild your life and grow. I have tons of free prompts for journaling in our Divide Guide Ebook. Just Click Here To Access Them.
- Setting new goals – this is going to help you rebuild your confidence. When you connect this with the rediscovering above, you’re going to start building your confidence, rebuilding your life, and thriving. I always like to picture that Phoenix, you know, the one in the ashes that rises above or even a butterfly that goes from being this not so great looking caterpillar to a beautiful wonder through transformation. The caterpillar has to get really messy in that cocoon before it emerges but when they do emerge, they come out as beautiful, free butterfly. You can do that too, through this process. Just like the cocoon, a divorce is very messy. However, a messy (and traumatic) situation doesn’t mean that you can’t come out on the other side being the most beautiful version of yourself. By starting to set new goals for yourself, you’re going to be able to do that. Setting and working towards your new goals is like getting your hands messy in that cocoon.
- Gratitude and Affirmations– I love practicing gratitude and affirmations in my day to day routine. Gratitude is thankfulness and affirmations are things that you can say that you want to exist in the future except you say them like they are happening right now. Starting with gratitude, what I do to implement that into my life is every single night before I go to bed I either write down or think to myself what thing I was most grateful for that day. It could be anything from “I was grateful for my coffee today” to “ I’m grateful for my health” to “I’m grateful to be alive”; it can be small or big. When it comes to affirmations, I do those in the morning, and they can be anything from “I am worthy of love” to “I am a good person” to “I am in a happy relationship again”; it just depends on where you’re feeling and what you need to reinforce in your brain. You tell yourself these affirmations every day and you’re going to start rewiring your brain into a positive place. I could go on for hours and hours and days and days into why this actually works. But I’m going to need you just trust me on this one. You can get some free daily affirmations here!
I do have a sixth way that has been the biggest impact on how myself and many of my clients have started thriving again; it’s the number one thing I did and that they do. I will be sharing that with you guys soon. If you want to hear what that is, I want you to drop the word “UPDATE” in the comments, and I will jump back shortly giving some more of that information and sharing some more on that sixth way.
Let me know in the comments which of these five things you’re going to implement first to start stepping into your “Thrival Mode”.
